Monday, December 27, 2004

world o' painful tv journalism

NBC Nightly News in production:

Whoa - man that some bigass wave. 21,000. Make sure to say inside of 7 seconds: "We've got it all covered - don't go away, we'll be right back with more of that bigass wave. That was some bigass wave."

Fuck man this is bigass big -
He: "Ma'am, (approaching a British journalist who happened to be on vacation) did you see that bigass wave?"

She: "I was standing here looking out when all of a sudden I heard -"
Too blond, too together stale if it don't wail where's the gut shreik tectonic clap of soul? - this is sending the wrong vibe the wrong wave -we gotta shocktransmit did we say we got it all covered? We need killer editing to transmit wave after killer wave, killing. Where's the bloody sea standing up and walking toward us? Where's the goddamned Bible? Where's the inchoate screams - more fuckedup dark people on their bloody knees, dead little bodies all in a row

Bigass and biblical, whoa. 22,000. Eight bigass countries. Billions and billions served. Whoa. Noah's ark. Here's another prissy Brit
"My wife and I we were standing on our balcony watching as the waters rose wondering if we were going to have to jump when all of a..."
We don't need no stinkin tourist tale of holiday woe meanwhile in Sri Lanka, bigly bigass. whoa. son of a BEEAATCH did you see that it just 'bout sucked that swimmin pool dry - holiday terror - this'll shrink Bin Laden's weenie

airport shot - grizzled travellers

Dead, we got dead. 23,000. How'd that wave get so big? - earthquake under the sea - tectonic plates clap hands and sing - what could stop it? waves, aftershocks, earlywarning wouldn'a done no good - too little too late when it's this bigass, get ready for showtime five, four, three - Noboddy does dead better than yours truly do dead we wipe our arse with you, ABC, CBS, FOX, we got tourist footage and it rawks - we are sublimest you ain't, we are bigass, waves we got waves, we got we got we got more good wave killahs coming straight at you don't you dare move - no bigger ass ugly biglyasses than us here at MSNBC - keep it right here, 24,000, we got it covered.


Blogger Tom Matrullo said...

MSNBC headline the day after the disaster:


12/31/2004 9:45 AM  

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