Paeon to HOO MO

When you come across a news story that really interests you, you begin to appreciate the completeness of vacuity of the mainstream news product. I mean, this is a story to die for:

Missouri man, 

angered over DTV switch,

 shoots his TV set

Who would not want to know every last detail? Next to the guy who threw his shoes at the asshatavistic exprez, this guy - WALTER HOOVER - deserves veneration. But do we get a picture of his noble countenance, of his austere home, proud wife and family, his humble, now lifeless, tube, his weapon of choice? Do we know how he spent his last moments before going for his _____________? Where is contact info for the pilgrimage site his fellow Joplinians are doubtless constructing even as we ask?

How I long to know what sort of gun -- a double-barreled shotgun would have been ideal, blasting the screen, the useless converter widget, the cable powers that agreed that the change should take place, the walls, perhaps a cat, the regulators who gave their 'yeas."

Instead, we get "a firearm." Best story I've seen in months, perhaps years, and this is the best we can do?

To you, WALTER HOOVER, we lift our bronzed goblets in the florid state with only the finest Falernian or Cacuban. Of you shall our garden gods murmur, in you our shall our bees delight with jocund hum.