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While waiting for this page to load, I put out the dog, and saw a neighbor, who was cutting his lawn. He started telling me about his divorce -- we were there a while when a guy from down the street strolled up, asked me if that was my dog who/which/that had laid a sumptuous steaming pile on his manicured tetragon of grass, to which I assented, upon which he up and pulls out a gun and tells me he's making a citizen's arrest under article 5832B of the penal code, for which high crimes and misdemeanors I will truly pay. A scuffle arose during which the gun went off. I spent five years in prison, after a lengthy trial, during which I wrote a country music ballad with a raga feel that went to the top of the charts. A movie based on the song came out three years ago. I get no royalties since that would be profiting from my bad behavior. Now fully reformed, I am on the lecture circuit of the Church of the Sons of Simpering Scottish Accountants, 7th Reg., HMSS. My career on the rubberstemcell circuit brought me to the attention of Karl Rove, who approved my White House credentials after my seventh lobotomy (Karl's had 78!) so I'm now responsible for all US foreign policy, and -- ah, it's loaded.