Monday, November 19, 2007

How to beat Hillary

Karl Rove: Plan now to introduce yourself again right after winning the nomination. Don't assume everyone knows you. Many will still not know what you've done in real life. Create a narrative that explains your life and commitments.

Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm the Republican nominee for President. Though some of you may not know me, I will tell you what I've done in real life - not a fucking thing. Now I'll create a narrative that explains my life and my commitments. Let's go to the videotape:

Karl Rove: Say in authentic terms what you believe.

My kind is all but extinct; I believe the only survivors are Reptile and myself. and,
Italian authorities have confirmed what we at the neoLuddite Resistance Army (NRA) have known all along - that the 2004 machine uprising in the Italian village of Canneto di Caronia was probably caused by aliens. and,
I barely escaped with my life.

Karl Rove: The GOP nominee must highlight his core convictions to help people understand who he is and to set up a natural contrast with Clinton, both on style and substance.

That's easy, Karl, because Bill and Hill aren't the real South. Having grown up in the South, I have to say that there's nothing elitist or really even that intellectual about a distaste for evangelism. In the South, /if you are a thinking, rational person/, you think, no, *know* yourself to be surrounded by people that believe in flat earth and relative Gravity (heavier things fall faster) and literal Biblical inerrancy. Pinheads. Many Southerners are nice people, many of them are walking talking /real/ humble Christians. BUT. A greater proportion of them live an unexamined life. I'm the real South -- if Hillary weighs more, she'll fall faster. I'll beat her to death.

Karl Rove: Don't be afraid to say something controversial. The American people want their president to be authentic.

I love NASCAR.

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