Friday, June 03, 2005

Load to Verizon

While waiting for this page to load, I put out the dog, and saw a neighbor, who was cutting his lawn. He started telling me about his divorce -- we were there a while when a guy from down the street strolled up, asked me if that was my dog who/which/that had laid a sumptuous steaming pile on his manicured tetragon of grass, to which I assented, upon which he up and pulls out a gun and tells me he's making a citizen's arrest under article 5832B of the penal code, for which high crimes and misdemeanors I will truly pay. A scuffle arose during which the gun went off. I spent five years in prison, after a lengthy trial, during which I wrote a country music ballad with a raga feel that went to the top of the charts. A movie based on the song came out three years ago. I get no royalties since that would be profiting from my bad behavior. Now fully reformed, I am on the lecture circuit of the Church of the Sons of Simpering Scottish Accountants, 7th Reg., HMSS. My career on the rubberstemcell circuit brought me to the attention of Karl Rove, who approved my White House credentials after my seventh lobotomy (Karl's had 78!) so I'm now responsible for all US foreign policy, and -- ah, it's loaded.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am unsure, do I want to know which page you were trying load, or do I rather want to know what you do about US foreign policy??

6/03/2005 1:30 PM  
Blogger Tom Matrullo said...

I feel your problem. I was trying to load this page. Any page. Any damn single pixel and or bit whatsoever.

Sorry, I can only tell you about Karl, me and the fighting turkeys on background.

6/03/2005 6:10 PM  
Blogger Juke said...

I've often thought that the names Gillespie (Sc.) and Oglesby (Ir.), are twinned in origin. I can't find any confirmation of this, though, in the few sources available to me at this time. Possibly there is something you're aware of, in a referential context, that would apply?
We must remember that the Clearances created as much as they destroyed in the Gaelic presence that does still abide, and that Scots/Gaels/Celts are over-represented in prominence in both the fields of rock-and-roll and international-wealth-accumulation.
Though a valuing of that creation/destruction may not be perspicuous just yet, as far as practical solutions to the crisis of contemporary social directionlessness goes, some clues may further in their time.

6/03/2005 6:32 PM  
Blogger Ray Davis said...

I was going to say I saw a ducky and a horsie, but I changed my mind.

6/04/2005 9:44 AM  
Blogger Tom Matrullo said...

Mr. Moran: As a nascent Michael Powell fan, I feel I have Clearance to tweak the Scot.

Ray: That wuz gators n luv bugs, I think.

6/04/2005 7:53 PM  
Blogger Juke said...

Well yes, Tom. That was the nub of the gist. The accountant's retentive voice. It was a sympathetic chorus. I guess I don't flag the persona shifts adequately.
Fictive accents, modal narrative - fun!

6/05/2005 4:14 AM  

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